ahem, the universe speaks, check out the Onion website especially you, Paras

I laughed, three horoscopes, and all were hilarious:

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Take heart: There is indeed a ruler of the universe who surpasses all understanding and is greater than all men. Luckily, He never seems to notice us.

Turn your attention, please, to the predicament of Mohabbatsinh Gohil, a diamond trader in India. A cow swallowed 1,722 diamonds that he had accidentally dropped in the street. By combing through the beast's dung for many days, Gohil was eventually able to recover many of his jewels. I suspect that in the coming weeks, Gemini, you'll encounter a challenge comparable to his. Let's hope you've got the patience, humility and sense of ohumour to sift through the mounds of drek in search of small but weighty treasure. (so, you must dig through shit to find the important things)

and a haiku horoscope too:
Impersonating
A large sloth will only get
You so far in life

oh, Pam:
Bad news for Pisces
Ursa Major finally
Caught and ate your sign

sorry I didn't make it to the show guys - I got stuck at work. stupid friday evening shift.
hope it went well!

weirdest thing so far: resumes and cover letters addressed to me
okay, actually, weirder still: "Dear Mr or Ms. Allison Lennie" and "Dear Madam"
Would somebody please tell me when I became a "Madam" I would like to know,
because that title has a lot of territory that comes with it, like running brothels and organizing "escort" services...
And why can't people spell my name? It was spelled correctly in the original job posting.
argh!

illwillpress.com

Beck, maybe worth a look?

Pam, I think your caps lock is on. If not, then STOP SHOUTING!!

Video card review

yeah...
uh, about the LIME show.
I really wanted to go, but I have to pay someone's outstanding bill for a clothing order because she won't contact me and Subtitles needs to be paid. So all the money I thought I had is going into that instead of fun things like seeing you guys play. I hate being broke. And we get paid at the end of the month, so a whole month of brokeness is ahead for me, woo hoo! (unless my income tax rebate comes back early... but really, I'll be broke until the end of May) I can't even afford to buy a donut (probably better for me not to though).

So, anyway, kick some serious ass tonight, LIME. You guys will blow them away. And could someone cheer them on for me? Thanks!

Drankwaytoofuckingmuch@theHBlastnight

Sup,
Lime boys, unfortunatly I can not make the show on the seventh, seeing that im still in Germany till the tenth, I hope you guys(Tay and Ng) had a blast at the Music fest, see ya in a few days

U.N.K.L.E. toys!?!!! WHOA!!! uber-radness.

Can you spell unkle? I can.