I have found the answer. My answer is this essay comparing Nietzsche and Mishima. If I act knowing full well that the end will be assured then I have acted heroically. There is nothing more or less that I can do. If I don't fall under the sway of the philosophy of "Russian fatalism" then I must act no matter what the end will be. I now know that I have a long road ahead of me, I am not strong or skilled enough to descend into the "tragic hero". I must now hone my body and my mind into razor sharpness to meet my greatest challenge... and my downfall. Only by falling from a great height will I know the true meaning of tradegy and gain any respect for myself. This road I have choosen will not be easy but really this is the answer I have sought my whole life. I am destined to fall one day but not yet, I'm still not stong enough to do so. As quoting from Neitzche: "For the mediocre individual to fall is not tragic, but simply pathetic." Therefore I shall ascend into the heavens before I must plunge down into hell.

Come to think of it this whole life I live in seems to be a simulation of some reality. The kung-fu I lear is so watered down that I seem to be the only one trying to preserve its integrity. Some old foggies are learning my saber form but there so stiff and ridgid and do it so incorrectly that it seems why even bother at all. My teacher let them get away with it and keep on teaching them and expects me to do it super well or I won't learn anything else. I know there really is no point in learning to use the saber to kill someone but if you are going to learn it why not learn it correctly and with skill? Isn't it just a preservation of tradition and honouring the warriors who came before you? Why am I so bent out of shape over such trivial things? Isn't it there right to learn it? Why should I impose such a strict standard on their performance when my instructor doesn't even care how they do it? Why should I be so strict with myself when he lets them get away with being sloppy and not trying? Can't I slack off and do it as carelessly as them as well? Why am I asking so many hypothetical questions? Something life seems to be too hypocritical and fake to be real. So I ask life this: show me why we shouldn't all vanish into nothingness. Show me something that is worth fighting and living for. Show me even just one thing that justifies why we should all exist...

I believe the term is simulacra Eric. A simultaion of a simulation.

Ever have those moments where you wake up in bed and the dream world appears to crash into reality? I did, it was pretty strange. I dreamt I had this idea where you would make local taxi companies front the latest cars in the market. That way, when people hail a cab, it could be a surprise. Maybe one day you'll find yourself flagging down a Civic, or even a cage with a motor attached! Those cages seemed fun. But, needless to say I found myself in a go-cart surfing the web for the ultimate MUD while these bright yellow taxis of all different makes flew by me. I suppose I should have turned around when all the cars seemed to fly off the earth into a brilliantly yellow tornado but I was in the back seat? On top of that I was desperately trying to remember the webpage of the ultimate MUD list - ah well.

nice link Paras -taking you to the very page that you're reading, that's like a hyper-real ...hyper..link

oh my goodness carlee, you know how to use the internet!!!!! Katie says hi folks

Don't most of us write that way anyway? On another note... coming soon: Ryu-Spawn Mecha Emporium!

From Guidenet.net, How to write like a wanker. Coming soon from DamnYouParas.com, how to be an asshole.

oh my gawd im using the computer i mother friggin rock at this shit....t minus 3 days until my b day i am going to have too much fun for words!!!!!!

hey tom, sorry for missing your call last night.