i only post messages because the clickity-clack sound of fingers on the keyboard is pleasing to my ear

Live on CBC Radio 3 this Saturday night at 10: the Notwist

Well I maybe a nihilist and a pessimist but when it comes to someones birthday I won't rain on their parade. Carlee I hardly know you and in reality you hardly know me as well, but you will be the first person to recieve a uber-special birthday icon! I'm going to post it early because I might be too busy to do it tomorrow. Without further ado:



Happy Birthday! Enjoy!

fair enough.

I don't suscribe to such high mindedness. I'm a nihilist first and foremost. Everything I do is only a reflection of such thoughts. Even my artwork and mecha are a extension of this. They are all mighty and powerful but they too will fall at someones hands.

Damn it Carlee, there is a painful bruise on my left arm in the shape of your teeth. ;(

CAW, CAW!!!

Al, that's as good a reason as any. But whenever I confront myself with such existential dilemmas, I usually end up with a different answer.

I remove my existential angst by thinking of myself as but one part of the whole that is humanity; a collective organism that is striving for "the perfection of knowledge" (this is only my opinion). Unfortunately, the vast majority of this human organism is redundant (but then again an integral part of an effective Parallel-Distributed-Processing (PDP) network is integrated redundancy, so in that sense I suppose even the most useless of human beings serve some sort of purpose). While things like technological advance, scientific achievement and space exploration are all immediately obvious steps in perfecting knowledge, there are tertiary pursuits that while often overlooked are no less noble in our pursuit. For example, if there was no auto-mechanic to fix the car of the scientist, the scientist will not get to his laboratory and make his new discovery. Now imagine if there was no farmer to feed the auto-mechanic, and if there was no builder to shelter the family of the farmer, etc. Every job and skill is equally important, and it is therefore important that whatever it is you are best at doing, that you do it the best you can... no, in fact you should strive to do it better than anyone has ever done it before. That is the nature of attaining perfect knowledge.

I once found a pin on the ground that featured a quote attributed to gandhi, and although the pin is all scratched up the quote is nonetheless entirely relevent to me, and I think you will see why:

"Whatever you do may seem isignificant, but it is most important that you do it."


And so, because I happen to do art and music less shitty than I do most other things, my life-goal is to produce art and music that is better than any art and music ever before created. And in that way, I make my contribution to the greater perfection of knowledge whether it be directly through advance the perfection of art or music (scoring a goal for the team), or indirectly through influencing somebody who influenced someone else who furthered our collective knowledge (making the assist).


Now obvsiously, this vision may not apply to you as it does for me. But if this philosophy does happen strike a chord with you, then I hope that it serves you well.

Correction: Gmail is said to be able to support POP soon.

Gmail supports POP

I have found the answer. My answer is this essay comparing Nietzsche and Mishima. If I act knowing full well that the end will be assured then I have acted heroically. There is nothing more or less that I can do. If I don't fall under the sway of the philosophy of "Russian fatalism" then I must act no matter what the end will be. I now know that I have a long road ahead of me, I am not strong or skilled enough to descend into the "tragic hero". I must now hone my body and my mind into razor sharpness to meet my greatest challenge... and my downfall. Only by falling from a great height will I know the true meaning of tradegy and gain any respect for myself. This road I have choosen will not be easy but really this is the answer I have sought my whole life. I am destined to fall one day but not yet, I'm still not stong enough to do so. As quoting from Neitzche: "For the mediocre individual to fall is not tragic, but simply pathetic." Therefore I shall ascend into the heavens before I must plunge down into hell.