I'm getting worse instead of better, dammit. It's now 5:30AM and my neighbour left to go to work. I'm now about to go to sleep, only to have to wake in 4 hours to go to work. The sun is up and birds are chirping outside my window. This is painful.

If this isn't evidence of my own masochism, I don't know what is.

First of all, I gotta say... DAMN I sound hot in Jewish... or Mongolian or Eskimoish or Tai Chi... or whatever the fuck that was. THANKS AL!!!! I don't care what the rest of yas think, AL validates my fucking reason for posting, which is more than I can say for half of you. So fuckin sucks to the rest of yous, see you in hell. PROPS AL!!!! w00t!

Secondly, I for once have my own particular question from the floor:

What do you do when the girl you've been getting close to for the last 4 weeks turns out to have an ex-boyfriend who's a lot older than you, has a LOT of friends who are a lot bigger than you, and thinks he hasn't broken up with this girl yet? Not to mention you used to idolize him for playing in one of your favourite (and most successful) local bands and also gave you some pretty nasty looks tonight and probably wants to kick your ass? Then what? Huh? HUH?


HUH!!? THEN WHAT!?!!!!


FUCK.

oh... and Leo's e-mail is: leowong@telusplanet.net

whoa... I missed a lot of posts.
Oh well - I'll just start from here.
I apologize for not validating your existances for those previous posts.

and in other news,

why does the students' union webpage have the, um, title line "Stop Mocking Me!" it seems rather strange to me, but then perhaps it's because no one actually reads what's up there, unless Paras has already trained you, what the hell are you talking about "nonsequiters make you eat lampshades"? (not that I can spell or anything...)

And... check out the Council For Canadians website for some interesting elections information. I'll find the other website I was supposed to post eventually.

And... Paras, I was not darting my eyes back and forth just to see what he was looking at. In fact, I usually just watch/observe people (perhaps I was weirding him out) and check out the surroundings. And I most definitely don't do what Jeremy tells me to do. I made eye contact, I spoke with him, and behaved, the same way as I speak with anyone (aside from the hitting and elbow jabbing that comes with knowing people very well). So I don't know, maybe he's just shy around people he doesn't know. Maybe it was a long day and he just didn't have the presence of mind to pull himself alltogether. Maybe he likes feet. Maybe I'm overanalyzing.

So who did have a crush on me in highschool then, Jere? Are you just making this up? No one had a crush on me in highschool, I was such a dork.

I chose to say "the N word" mostly because I still find it offensive. (not to myself, mind you, but to others, the same reason I don't use other words that could otherwise be in my vocabulary). And admittedly, I don't know the whole story behind the reclamation of that word from its former (and somewhat still continuing) connotations.

I don't know how you "reclaim" a word, I really don't, I just know that you can create social movements to subvert the dominant understandings of words and their meanings, like the idea of a feminist magazine being called "Bitch." I'm not intending to dive into the discussion of right or wrong, or the depth to which a word has been (or can be) reclaimed, or its success; you just hear about the reclamation of words in society, and how suddenly what once was considered derogatory is now accessable, supposedly. I still don't feel comfortable actually using a large number of those words, but apparently they're there for my use if I so choose. For instance, my father uses the word "negro," not exactly something in common usage, or support, but then again, at times "black" is not acceptable, and by all means, we can't just go and say "African Americans" for people living, born and raised in Canada, can we?

It's like the issue of Indigenous peoples in North America: In the United States, it is perfectly fine to talk about Indians when referring to Native Peoples. In Canada, it's taboo. They're Aboriginal, or Native, but definitely not Indian. And conversely, in the US, you never talk about Native Americans, it just doesn't work.

I think I've gone off my original track. But essentially my point is that I cannot decide what's right and wrong, only what I percieve as right and wrong. My judgement is flawed, I just do what I think is the least offensive to the most number of people and go with that. Same as I try not to use decidedly chauvanisitc words (like "man oh man") in front of my strongly feminist friends. It's just my way of doing things. If you feel like expressing yourself differently, by all means. Like I said before. I'll let you (and others) continue to use words like douchebag because I can do nothing about it, but I will also continue to have issues with the useage of those words. sound fair?

Um, question from the floor (sorry, ngz):


What the fuck is with the Italian, Albert?

Convalidazione la vostri esistenza e motivo per inviare.

come 4:00 si è transformato in nel mio nuovo bedtime? Scopi OGNI notte che è quando vado a letto. Penso che abbia ottenuto riparare questa merda. È sveglia, lavoro, mangi il supper... forse faccia qualcosa per alcune ore... ed allora ho ottenuto surf appena la rete nella mia stanza per come le
5 ore prossime perché ognuno nella mia casa è addormentato ed è
l'unica cosa calma da fare nella mia stanza. In modo che basicamente 5 ore sprec ogni notte del fuckin... quando realmente dovrei aderire quelli 5 ore sull'INIZIO del mio
giorno in moda da poterlo fare io qualunque desidero senza svegliare
la gente in su. Ma merda... Ho asserito questo molte volte, ed ancora lo faccio una pausa: Ero nocturnal sopportato.

MALEDICALO TUTTO AL HELL.

i'll elaborate on the arguments later when i'm *humph not at work- but anyways, when Mr. Chuck D was here giving a lecture at the U he gave a lengthy rebuttle to the "reclaiming" of Nigger, and pretty much designated the word as simply a word of hate, period.
he gave a compelling argument and i respect his opinion -especially where he is coming from, but i do not necessarily agree with his ideas.
the whole concept and process of reclaiming words is itself contentious... ahh i'll explain myself later.

just out of curiosity though, Alison, why did you use the term "the N word" instead of just saying Nigger? i suspect it has something to do with the wrongness of whites using this word now, which i find problematic in the paradigm of reclaiming a word, in that in order to gain power over a word one must make it exclusive. to have this kind of control over a word requires the execution of power and in most cases involves Physical force/coersion.

Validating your existence and reason for living.

When the wind meets the cloud the golden fish will turn into a dragon.