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huh? corporate woozle? i don't get it.... this completely complicates the whole office quickie

here's an excerpt from today's entry on my xanga blog:

I got into work 5 minutes late with my hair still wet. But whatever... they can't say anything to me kuz I pretty much run the show over there. I'm their go-to guy... I'm their franchise. Anyway, the morning was pretty slow... I just cut a lot of meats and cheeses and made sandwiches and whatnot (I work at Quizno's). But then later on in the day I got to go inside this big inflatable Quiznno's cup costume (we rented it kuz it's supposed to be our 'new management grand opening' thing today). So I got in that thing and ran down the street and started challenging the Little Caesar's mascot to a duel. I was all "Man, you better bring it. Time for a dance off!!!" I showed him my skills with a little bit of River Dance (I was like fuckin Michael Flatley out there) and then he pulled out some lame disco moves. It was sad. So I showed him up and blew him out of the water by attempting to do the splits. That only went so far... but he knew I meant business. And then I started head-butting him and slamming him with my costume. It was pretty funny. Little did I know his manager came out and saw me beating on him and he got in trouble kuz of it. hahaha

Some kid came up to me on a little bike and I was like "Dude, look at me! I'm a friggin CUP!!! High-Five man!!!" And I held out my hand but he punched me instead. So I yelled at him in a really pissed-off growly sounding voice "Hey little kid, PLAY NICE OR GO HOME!!!!" And then I looked over and saw some little girl walking with her mommy and I think she was a little afraid of me. whoops. my bad.

I almost got run over by a car in that thing. I couldn't see anything in that stupid suit. I just heard all this mad honking and screeching of tires. I turned and saw him there and I was just like "KEEP ON ROCKING IN THE FREE WORLD!!!!" and I gave him a pair of the international rock-on hand signs. I think I managed to smooth things over that way.

Before I took the suit off I went over to the Little Caesar's guy and challenged him to a duel. So I guess he's gonna show up tomorrow for our Grand Opening and my buddy Graeme is gonna be in the Quizno's suit and they're gonna have a fight-to-the-death no-holds-barred death-match in the parking lot.

here is some of my favourite new computer hardware for 2004:


Cigarette lighter and cup holder:


Casette Deck:


Vagina:




The sad thing is... they're all real.

We only have so much wax, people. (If you're in a hurry, just skip to the last three paragraphs.)

that fucking monsanto monster should be burned at the stake
or at least held accountable for all the misery they create

DAMN IT

I can't believe Percy Schmeiser didn't win
what is this world coming to when things like this happen?

Where will our future be?

If anyone wants to see what I accomplished today, click here and set the font really really small.

Monsanto strikes again...

Supreme Court says Monsanto can legally hold patents on plants in this country

Andy Kaufman? No. Unless...

Royal Wedding Fever Hits Madrid




Or does it...?

okay... I can't figure this kaufman mess out right now. I need to go to bed.

work is at 9 tomorrow and it's about 3:30 right now. fuck. I SO gotta stop doing this.