> Life is like biryani. You move the good stuff towards you & you push the weird shit to the side.  

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July 07, 2025 -- 3:41 PM
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go back to maingo to old version

September 02, 2004 -- 6:47 PM
posted by Beck

    hmm.... $280-$300 seems a little expensive
    But what option do we have?

September 02, 2004 -- 2:36 PM
posted by edo

September 02, 2004 -- 2:29 PM
posted by AD

    MUST ignore urge to make political rant...


    ...

    Oh what the fuck, I'll sum it up like this; If we are as rich as he wants us to believe, why do we have all the problems in this provence that we do?

September 02, 2004 -- 1:40 PM
posted by Par

    Why do the ranchers need duct tape. We're only at threat level Bert.

    Actually, I was thinking election... but those appear to be meaningless anyway.

    Oh and <response>no</response>.

September 02, 2004 -- 12:19 PM
posted by alison

    um... you forgot to give the ranchers duct tape...

    and could that perhaps be "plebiscite" or "referendum" that you're referring to? Not going to happen... I mean, really, more wasting of taxpayer money to actually find out what Albertans want...are you kidding? the government only wants to pretend to care... and waste our money in the process.

    one more thing. Could you not talk in htmlese, it confuses the rest of us out there

September 02, 2004 -- 12:04 PM
posted by Par

    Can't we just literally swim in it? I'm thinking build a giant Scrooge McDuck-esque money vault and fill it with millions of gold coins, so we may languish in our vast wealth. Apparently, this is not one of the survey options. It's amazing what options are lacking on this survey:

    • Build a spaceship and allow the upper echelon of the Tory party to explore outer space and, hence, grow our wealth. We can save money by not actually plotting a course. Or sealing the ship. Or requiring it to leave orbit. Or requiring it to enter orbit. In fact, as long as we can strap a sufficiently oversized SUV (maybe even a Hummer) onto a rocket and get it at least a kilometer into the air, I'd say the mission would be a success.

    • Build giant cutouts of Ralph Klein to place at the four borders, picturing him thumbing his nose at our neighbours, complete with Nelson Muntz sound effect (this may be the most expensive part of the plan, buying the rights to that loveable ha, ha.)

    • Invest in a billion dollar supercomputer that can count all those facts that we love to keep track of:
      • Acres of forest destroyed / dollar of surplus

      • Number of malnourished children who could be saved by the excess billions we have

      • Number of people who could be saved from the African AIDS epidemic by Alberta's oil revenues

      • and many more!...

    • Buttons and posters for every single Albertan with a picture of Ralph Klein and the "He Listens. He Cares" slogan

    • Shovels and shotguns for every cattle rancher

    • Limited edition Tory cabinet minister punching bags in every home/homeless shelter

    • <Your options here>


    Okay, perhaps I'm being slightly cynical about this whole thing. Maybe it's wrong to be pissed off when, without a semblance of a plan, and ignoring public input, they slash the budget and then, come election time, they act like they're doing us a favour by asking us what to do with this extra money they earned for us. Nevertheless, despite the ludicrousness (ludicrousosity? ludicrousossilizationalism?) of the above options, they're easily far more concrete than "Provide support to Albertans who need help". I mean, what the fuck does "Make long-term investments in priority areas" mean?!?! Who was the brilliant fucktard who decided that maybe they should ask us "should our priorities be making long-term investments in priority areas?" ?!?!

    We're supposed to make policy decisions based on marketing surveys full of nothing but positive options? Either the government leaders are the stupid ones, for making decisions from citizen input to a useless survey like this, or they think we're morons to believe that this survey will help them make a decision. A better way would be if we had some sort of system, where we were presented a number of alternative plans (say, three) for the province and, with everyone getting a voice, we could choose (cast a "vote" on, if you will) which plan we wanted. I wonder what that would be called?

    Maybe we get the government we deserve, but this is ridiculous. They've done some horribly stupid things, and Klein is running out of steam (he's too tired to attend a first ministers conference. It's not as though the Leg is in session, or he's even made a decision (Toffee or Boston Cream dilemma notwithstanding) in weeks, but he doesn't want to go. If he ignored everything that was a waste of time and wouldn't make for any progress, we wouldn't have had an election in ten years.), but this is... words cannot describe my frustration with this survey. When they asked for three things to improve this province, I actually wrote in and submitted "Shoot. Shovel. Shut up." Why should I bother?!
    </rant>
    </klein> (please! pretty please! with sugar on top!)

September 02, 2004 -- 12:09 AM
posted by alison

    well, sorry to get serious on y'all, but it might very well be your civic duty to fill out this mighty Alberta tax-payer-paid survey and tell Ralph Klein and the rest of the Alberta Legislature what you want them to do with all this extra money we're now swimming in....

    for one thing... I'd rather it wasn't spent on surveys... but maybe that's just me.

September 01, 2004 -- 3:16 PM
posted by eric

September 01, 2004 -- 1:47 PM
posted by eric

    OH SHIT!!! FUNNIEST THING THE PLANET HAS NEVER SEEN!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA i'm literally in muthafuckin' tears!

    Orson Welles – Paul Masson commercial
    Watch it twice. The first time you can watch Orson drunkenly slur all his lines with the cadence of a Pakistani Beat poet and the second time you can watch the actress on the left halfheartedly try not to laugh. Dude is annihilated, I’m telling you. You have never been that drunk in your life. The most shocking thing about this commercial is not how drunk he is but how hopelessly determined the director is to get a half decent take.
    HIGHLIGHT: Right after they click the “take 12” clicker thing, Orson’s mouth jumps in with an enthusiasm his brain cannot begin to catch up with. What results is a sentence that begins with a roaring “raaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhuuuweee here at Paul Masson are committed to bringing you…”


September 01, 2004 -- 11:30 AM
posted by eric

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